Today is definitely better. Not so worried about other people perception of me and am starting to be more centered on what i think about myself. I am by no means a bad person but there are things i can do that would make me a better version of myself. For the next week I am really going to try to observe rather than say. Learn stuff about my friends and teammates and try to be a listener. I am also going to be more of a loner. Sue and Bakes think I am dependent on them which is okay but I have never really been a co-dependent person. I usually pride myself on my ability to be on my own and be fine with that so I am going to try to start to do that. I really want to keep reflecting here too. More so in the morning than at night.

So I am starting to write again because 2016 has been a total bitch to me. I have failed at pretty much everything I try not to mention I have been binge drinking to excess lately and I want to go Sober for real. This has been the final straw with boys and everything i just cant afford to be acting like this. I could look in the mirror in high school and be really proud of the person i was. I am not now. I don't like drinking and i have no control of myself when I do. I really think this is the final straw but i need to stay true to that. No more am I going to be the drunkest girl at the party or let other people tell me what i did last night. I am done. I am going to go MIA at least until our season is over. I might go out with the girls, but no more GDX while drunk, or stuff like that. 2017 is going to be the year I get my shit together and that starts today. Wish me luck I am going to need it.