Today is definitely better. Not so worried about other people perception of me and am starting to be more centered on what i think about myself. I am by no means a bad person but there are things i can do that would make me a better version of myself. For the next week I am really going to try to observe rather than say. Learn stuff about my friends and teammates and try to be a listener. I am also going to be more of a loner. Sue and Bakes think I am dependent on them which is okay but I have never really been a co-dependent person. I usually pride myself on my ability to be on my own and be fine with that so I am going to try to start to do that. I really want to keep reflecting here too. More so in the morning than at night.

So I am starting to write again because 2016 has been a total bitch to me. I have failed at pretty much everything I try not to mention I have been binge drinking to excess lately and I want to go Sober for real. This has been the final straw with boys and everything i just cant afford to be acting like this. I could look in the mirror in high school and be really proud of the person i was. I am not now. I don't like drinking and i have no control of myself when I do. I really think this is the final straw but i need to stay true to that. No more am I going to be the drunkest girl at the party or let other people tell me what i did last night. I am done. I am going to go MIA at least until our season is over. I might go out with the girls, but no more GDX while drunk, or stuff like that. 2017 is going to be the year I get my shit together and that starts today. Wish me luck I am going to need it.

Today was long, primarily because I had to work most of the day then I had to play hockey after. I got up early for my day off at 8. Then I had to bring my dad to Mike's to switch the cars. Once I got home I painted the trim of the house till 11. Then I had to go to work all day :/. Britt, my boss, yelled at us all for not being on time but we were all there on time. Whatever, I'm so done with that place its crazy. I barely make any money compared to last year and my hours just suck. Micheala, Amelia and I were all talking about how much we hate it. So yeah,  doubt I will be back next year. But now I am debating whether to do an internship or just train people next year. I know I could make a lot of money doing private training so I am thinking about that. After work I just ran a bunch of errands for the party on Saturday. Then I came home and we went to the Bog for our game. Shaunessy vs. Shaunnessy's, aka Julia and me vs. my Dad. They won :/ but only by one goal and we played really well. It was a good game. I came home and worked on my 2015 thingy and went to bed. Billard texted me haha. Boys are so weird.

Ho Chi Damn, I could seriously pass out right now ! Got up super early for Parmy's and picked up Lily for the first time. Then Julia got a ride home and I drove to Bridgewater for Pothier. It was awesome but also really discouraging because the boys are so much better than I am, it's crazy. I didn't get home till like 3pm.  I passed out on my bed when I got home too. Then I had to coach for a few hours, which was brutal. I came home watched Wolff of Wall Street and now I am here. Pretty uneventful day and I am so beat.

Fourth of July Weekend was quite long. I didn't get to write because it seemed I was always away from my computer each night and well I didn't feel like it last night because I was so tired. So I guess I can do a really quick recap of the days. And YES, I do mean a quick recap because I am very tired right now and I have to get up early for hockey YET AGAIN.

Friday: I worked all day at Pinehills on the cart. I did pretty well because it was a big golf day and I was on the cart. But it was off and on again. After work I drove down to New Seabury to stay the night with Andrew,  I met him at the market place then we went back to his house and had dinner with the fam. It was this shrimp pasta thing which was really REALLY good. I met his grandpa for the first time who is a total G. He's super Irish and laid back, totally not like his Mom or Dad. I could actually relate to the guy, which was super nice and have a conversation where I didn't feel judged. We walked down to this pond and yeah well, you know. I have bruises on my shins from the bench :/
Then we went to go see Magic Mike XXL, but I left my stupid wallet at home and the bitch at the Theatre would let me in.. Like really do I look like I'm not 17 years old!!! So, instead we just got ice cream and talked and went home and chilled. It was actually nice.

Saturday(July 4): I got up super early and had to work in the hut. I made basically no money. Got home and got ready with my momma. Then took her to the Marston's to pick dad up. Ended up driving a car full of boys to a party at the O'Brien's house and came back to pick up my rents only to bring them to another party at the Hammel's. I just chilled with Ally. We got ice cream at Far Far's and played Cards Against Humanity with Matt's friends all night. It was actually quite fun.

Sunday: I WORKED ALL DAY IN THE FLIPPING YARD. I went for a walk with my momma and the doge. Then I ran a shit ton of errands to get stuff for the party (Aubicaun, Job Lot, Hannafords, Dollar Store, Stop and Shop). I painted and American flag on the shed, which took forever but it looks dope now. Then we just chilled at the house and watched the USA kick Japan's ass in women's soccer. I drop Julia to Jan's across town only to be shut out of his house and have to take her to a different friends house just by us. Monty came over and we made Mac + Cheese and chocolate covered strawberries and watched gey movies. I was beat. Andrew went to the fireworks at New Seabury and got kinda drunk. I didn't go to bed till 2 am... which brings us to today. I am just gonna list this stuff in order because I am starting to fall asleep and I am tired of writing for tonight.

Monday:
PARMYS- I am now driving a giant car pool of children
-Came home and watched white collar on the deck while tanning for 3 hours, wasps nest under the deck nearly killed me
-made some thank you cards for graduation gifts
-Andrew came over, talked with Julia
-got ice cream at DT
-catering lady came to see house
-jumped off bluefish, French Memories, Toured DUX
-painted the bulkhead door
-hockey in the city, picked up Berg
-a bunch of u18 girls played
-shower
-Blogging :)
-BED

thnx,
Tired AF

Round two: Today was LONG. Parmy's was a bitch and a half, but he definitely took it easy on us because of the new kids. Julia is so sore and I find it hilarious, but also amazing because she is finally trying. On the way home from Parmy's I fucked up the route, and delaying our trip to derby in order to drop Payton off, and let me tell you traffic was brutal. However we blasted Air by Shawn Mendes and got some sun in the Jeep. After dropping Pay off,  Julia and I made our way to SSCC for Dad's company golf tourney. Thinking we were super late, we rushed there only to find out that the tee time was 2:30 not 12 as Dad had said. So we hit some balls at the range with Andrew and waiting for the rest of the crew to show up. 

We had lunch, laughed with Ronnie and began the beautiful day off well. Nine holes proved to be a little too much for me though. By hole 7 I was too tired to go on and while I played till the 9th, it wasn't pretty. Andrew played very well, to the point where he actually impressed Scott into saying, "I'm proud of you." You should of seen Andrew's face. 

After golf we headed to Derby and shopped around. In lululemon I saw a kid that I work with, who might I say is super hot and when I went to shake his hand he gave me a hug :) HELLO. We talked for a while and I helped him pick out some clothes, only to run into the Colpyses, which Andrew knew. So weird! And yet again SUPER hot. Damn did they grow into there bodies. Then it was back to the house for some food and a movie. Andrew left before we started Ender's Game, and has asked me to come over for the night tomorrow :/ Idk if I can spend that long with his family but I guess we will see. They are a lot too handle and I don't like Andrew as much as I should. I feel bad but these feelings can be forced. 

xoxo, 

Tired Feet 

This could be the start of something new.. To quote High School Musical, I am indeed back for the start of a new year in my eyes, and to hopefully begin a new chapter in my life. Thats right COLLEGE. This is big. Today was just your average first of July. I went to work at Pinehills at the usual 7:30 am, only to be surprised by a terential down pour upon my arrival. Tom and I sat for a near 5 hours in the club house, Tom watching Netflix on his computer. For myself, the very same expect it was on my phone and I was watching White Collar. Then I went out into the Nick Hut and sat for a solid 6 hours reading a myriad of fashion and self health magazines, which is where I came up with this idea: to begin blogging again. For myself, this is both spiritual and effective. I want to loose weight for college and athletics. My ideal weight would be 155, a stretch but possible. However I am currently 30 pounds above that weight. At 5' 9" I don't have the room to be 178 lbs. So here is what I am gonna do. Every Monday and Friday I will post my weight, and every day I will log/ blog about my day, such as I did in my little gold book that chronicled every day of sophomore year. Hopefully I can swing this through college. It will be tough but I think I can do it.

MY PLEDGE: Gluten Free, 3 cheat meals a week (choose as I will), Run at least 7 miles a week, Close to the source as possible/ readily available.

To Finish this summary as I am indeed falling asleep, work happened, then I played golf with Andrew.. More detail to come about that situation *cough, cough.. its a mess, played in my hockey game. I played wing with Jane and Julia. We tied with .7 seconds left :/ oh well, then Julia and I got Sweet Frog and drove the street with only my feet. Many recordings were made that will hopefully be saved tomorrow. Time to rise and grind in 6 hours

xoxo
Sleep Deprived